Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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