Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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