my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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