i just wanna soil my oats bro
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
