I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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