Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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