mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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