Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
