You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
