I am puke
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
