Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
