My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
