Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You dont lie about slip and slides
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
