Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
