She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
