Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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