After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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