how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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