You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
