I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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