Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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