i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
