She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
