please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
