wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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