My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
