I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
