that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
