haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
farters have to be the big spoon...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
