I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
