i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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