so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
