the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
