Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
