I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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