My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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