You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
