worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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