the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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