Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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