I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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