He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
