the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
