you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
