just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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