just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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