Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
