had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
did i just pee glitter
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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