i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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