I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
