cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
