Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
