i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
